Again I think something is going on with CS. He's being distant again. He's still affectionate but not as much or as intensely. He seemed annoyed with me and when I asked him about it he said not at all and apologized so maybe he was just teasing but it's hard to tell when strung up with everything else. When there are silences in our conversation the air seems heavy. It seems as if he's afraid of the silence. Like he has to think of something casual to say just so there isn't silence. I think he senses all my questions I'm holding back and he's afraid of the flood.

I may be completely wrong but I feel like maybe his ex is on his mind more. Maybe he has seen her or talked to her. For all I know he could've asked her to come back and she turned him down. Or maybe he's interested in someone else too.

I just feel like there is something bad on the horizon and this is my prelude to an accident. Let's hope to god I come out alive (on second thought maybe not depending on the outcome). Fuck, ok then let's just hope it doesn't hurt too much and that I'm not alone for too much longer.