CS IMed me and we talked a little. He is on his way to work. I guess his usual schedule is 4-9 but he hasn't been working that lately. So I guess I won't see him much now. He also said he's going to hang out with his one friend tonight so wouldn't get to see me (at least he made a sad face at that). So who knows when I'll see him next.

I'm feeling really vulnerable right now and don't know how to stop it. I've been reading his emails (the ones about dating other people) just to make me angry with him but it doesn't always work - it just makes me feel sad. I just don't understand why I every time I like a guy he has to be weird. And the ones I'm not interested in are all about me. It makes no sense. It makes me want to shut myself in my room and never come out - that way I don't have to meet anybody so there is no chance of getting hurt. I think I will go home and cry tonight. I need to get that out of my system.

I just want things to go right for me once. Please, please, please, let me, let me, let me get what I want this time...