Before I start my synopsis of this weekend I'd like to touch on something first. Remember that guy from NS - well he's been calling and I haven't been able to answer. It seems everytime he calls I'm out and don't hear my phone or I just leave it in the car cuz I know I'm not going to need it at the time. It's not just his calls I've missed - I miss all of them. But that's what voicemail is for...anyways now he thinks I'm mad at him or being mean but I swear I'm not. I left him a note on his diary but I think he's ignoring me now. Oh well I guess I deserve it. I still read his diary and I don't really like the person he's become. Seems really cocky. And it looks like he's becoming a "player". My two favorite traits in a guy. He's acting like a "typical" guy. I was hoping to remain friends at least but it doesn't look like he's into that. But I should stop...

Ok so I hung out with John and DS for the last 4 days. We had a lot of fun. I was pretty buzzed/drunk. That was a weird sensation. I like being high better. We went to the grocery store and had a bbq (just the 3 of us). John and I went and bought some video games and dvds. I got to see DS everyday. He stayed the night one night. He went to the Hatebreed/Slayer show. DS has been nicer to me but I'm almost giving up on him. Since he's moving it wouldn't be smart to get involved. But he's so darn sweet!!! I made him breakfast on Sunday and it was really good. Why must I feel for him?????

Heather called me yesterday and told me her side. She seems really done with him this time. I told her we'd go to lunch this week. She has some guy that she wants me to meet. But my heart belongs to someone else right now I don't think I can even begin to be attracted to someone else. After DS moves and then probably a couple years after that. Or I'll just carry this pain with me forever.

It's JB's birthday today. I spoke with his parents and they sound good. I just told them to give my message.

Talked to my very bestest friend in the whole world Joe and his sister who is my other favorite person. We were so excited to talk to one another. We were like kids. I haven't talked to her in about a year. Joe was laughing at us. We're gonna try to stay in touch better. Ames has been calling like crazy too but I keep missing her calls. She's engaged now and happy. Good for her. She deserves it. I still haven't called SS back. I don't know what to do with him. I think he wants something more but I can't.

I sometimes feel like just dying. I hate when I get like this. There isn't anything going on in my life that I can't handle but I do get tired of struggling. This way I won't be broken hearted and I won't need money...I think it's just eating at me and I have to fight it. AAArrgh!!!

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