Falling in love and falling apart

rough day

ROUGH DAY

We had 3 people call off today. 2 in the day and 1 at night. We were busy and it sucked. We all wanted to quit tonight.

My hand was really sore today and then my crown came off my molar. I put it back on but it's just sitting there. A friend of mine is a dental assistant and she's going to come over tomorrow and look at it and see if she can fix it so I don't have to pay for a new one. I hope she can save it.

She just found out today that she has Mineir's disease (I'm not sure how to spell it). She has already lost 40% of her hearing. She supposed to have surgery but there's a chance she'll lose all her hearing. I feel really bad for her. She hasn't told anyone yet so I just play it off when anyone asks.

Ok this is weird but people are acting like I'm the bad guy for letting M.B. break up with me. Like I had a choice. They aren't mad but they all say that I shouldn't give up on him or that I should have made him move back or that I shouldn't have let him break up. Several people have said that I shouldn't stop writing him, like his life depends on it or something. It's kind of spooky. Part of me is wondering if I should even write him since we're not together anymore. I mean why bother him and why put effort into something that doesn't exist. It's not like he looks forward to hearing from me. He barely remembers the ones I did send. But the other part doesn't care about all that and still loves him (actually both parts love him) and doesn't want to lose touch. So basically everyone wants me to wait for him to come to his senses and since my heart does still belong to him and I'm unable to give it to someone else, I can wait. But I fear it's in vain.

My friend R.K. came over tonight. She actually just left. She smoked a little with me. We had fun. Just sat in my room giggling and talking. This is wild but she said that the new guy is curious about me. He wants to come over and hang out with me. She said he has talked about me and like wants to have sex. I never would've guessed. It's probably because I was M.B.'s girl.

R.K. and I are supposed to go sky diving on her birthday but I don't know if I can come up with the money by then. I had forgotten that we made those plans. Also that night we're going to stay the night in Columbus with some friend of hers. She wants to experiment with a certain drug and wants me there with her to keep her calm. I tried to talk her out of it but she's determined. So the least I can do is be there with her.

Maybe she'll change her mind by then.

It's funny I've been planning my fantasy vacation to Europe and I've been talking about it at work. Now C.P. C.T and R.k. want to go and the funny thing is I'll be the only one that can't raise the money to go and they'll go without me. But I'm having fun planning it. I told them all about the Eurodollar and how cool that will be.

Well I better get going if going is what I need to get.

2002-01-05 || 1:06 a.m.