I wasn't finished writing last night but my best friend J.G. came by so I talked to him. He told me that soon he's going to come and take me back with him to CT to live. He even tried tempting me with travel. He says he can get stationed in Japan or Europe and I could go too. That's very tempting. He said if I want I can take C.T. too and she can live there rent free.

On New Year's Eve, J.B. said that he was going to ask me to marry him but didn't think it would be a good idea or something like that. What is he thinking? So I had to listen to him tell me how one day I will be his again until 3am. He begged me to let him sleep with me and couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him.

Then there's my M.B. I just heard that he stopped in at work today but I was already gone. So I didn't get to see him one last time. Everyone else got to see him and touch him and hear his voice but not me :( It's never me.

Will I ever find someone that understands me and loves me and adores me and is very turned on by me? Someone I can understand and love and adore and make love to.

I realize that I can't write to M.B. like I used to so I guess I'll be writing here a lot more. You get to hear about my woes instead. I know you can hardly contain your joy but be gentle.

Tonight I sat in bed, eating a box of chocolates while watching a movie. How pathetic is that? I am currently eating said chocolates, I'm almost done with the first layer. Luckily I can afford a few pounds. I once read that chocolate is a substitute for sex. I can believe that.

I wrote M.B. a letter a couple of days ago but he never wrote back. I guess I'll always have unanswered questions when it comes to him. I know that he'll let himself drift away from me and we'll become estranged. That word, estranged, sounds so harmless but it's meaning is so sad. Hopefully someday he'll find his way back to me.

Until then it's just you and me, always and forever.