My crush came over around 10pm last night and left around 7:30am. He makes me so horny! At work yesterday he brought in these pictures and there were these 2 that he looked so fucking sexy hot! I couldn�t even look at the rest. I had to put them down and walk away. It was like I lost my heart completely to him. It was weird. So I begged him to make me a copy of them. I hope he does. All I can say is DAMN!!

We went to the video store to rent one of our favorites �Best in Show�, then to the grocery store, came home, smoked some grass and cigs, made brownies, looked at my stupid pictures, ate some brownies and then watched the movie.

He seemed kind of fidgety. Sometimes he let his arm touch me and then he�d pull away and then put it back. Finally I asked him if it was ok to touch him and he said yes, so I did. Then I asked him if it was ok if I kissed him and he said yes, so I did. We kissed for a while. I was getting really turned on and he seemed to be getting into it as well. At one point I rolled him on top of me and we kissed like that for a while and then he rolled off and ran his hand across my breasts and then stopped. We snuggled for a while and then I asked him if he got turned on at all and he said yes. I asked him to swear and he said yes. So we lay there some more and I ask him if I will ever be allowed to make love to him and he said that he�s considering it. I asked him what is holding him back and he said fear. So I asked him what he fears and he said being vulnerable. I asked him what makes him feel vulnerable and he said being naked. So I started joking around with him and told him that we have to work on that. I told him that he has to take his shirt off and he starts giggling and saying no. So I say then take your pants off and he giggles some more. He is so cute. So I lift his shirt just above his belly button and caress that part. I raise it a little more and again caress then raise it more until his breasts were exposed. He�d try to pull it down and I put it right back up. I told him that I was acclimating him. He said ok. I told him I could sit around naked if that made him feel better. He just laughs. After a while I told him that I think he�s ready to remove his pants and he laughs again but I was just kidding. I like to scare him a little. I asked him if he gets emotionally involved with women and sexually involved with men or vice versa and he gets emotional with women and sexual with men but he said that isn�t always the case. I asked him if he likes to give blowjobs or get them and he likes to give them. Not good for me. He likes hand jobs but I�m much better at blowjobs. I sat behind him and wrapped my legs around him and he leaned back into me and I held him until he had to go.

So who knows if I�ll ever get to do this. The only opportunity would after C.T.�s party and I�m sure he�ll be too tired or scared. Next weekend he goes away with another friend and then it�s C.T.�s party and then he goes camping with his dad and then maybe one more weekend and he�s gone. So it�s not looking good for me. Lord please have pity on me and let me express physically my feelings for him. Let this work somehow. You know my intentions are honorable and true. But I know how nothing ever goes my way. So I only have heart break to look forward to.

He left his cds and I�m listening to this one by someone I never heard of and I really like it. The songs say the things I�d like to say to him or that I would love to hear from him (like that will ever happen). Remember this is an unrequited love thing. He said that he�d write I hope he does. I�ll have to write one of my �confession� letters if I can�t restrain myself. Why do I have to fall for this guy?