My crush M.B. called today to see if he could pick up his wallet on his way to work. He left it here the other night. So he came in and had a couple of cigarettes with me and hit the pipe a little. Made some kool-aid, ate a brownie, gave him a hug and he was on his way. Late as usual. He left here at 4pm and he had to be at work at 4pm. He's so funny. And yes, he's going to come over Saturday night to watch this japanese movie that I love "Adrenaline Drive". I'm so happy that I get to spend time with him.

Although I probably blew it. Earlier this evening I sent him an e-mail that was pretty heavy. I hope I didn't scare him off. I know that he doesn't feel the same for me and that's ok. I don't write to him because I want some sort of response. I write because I don't want to look back someday and regret the things I didn't do. I believe that if you have feelings for someone you should let them know regardless of how they feel for you. Don't expect anything from them. Don't change because they reject you. Just let it out and then let it go. It was one of the scariest moments I've had. Clicking on the send icon. Just totally opening myself up for rejection. But I'm ready. I expect it.

So hopefully he'll still want to hang out. We still have C.T.'s party to get through. That's the chance I take. Hopefully he'll prove to be a stronger man than I anticipate. I can only wait and see with knees shaking.