My life is such a joke (not a funny one unfortunately) a joke said in poor taste.

So SS called and invited me over. He said that he still couldn't move his arm but he was moving it just fine by the time I left. I told him that he just needs some physical therapy.

I really can't figure this guy out. He doesn't want a "relationship" but yet he doesn't really want me to ever stop having sex with him. He says maybe in a couple of years when the baby is older. He says it won't be fair to the baby if he gets involved with anyone. I said that in a couple of years he'll just have another excuse. I told him that he's going to end up lonely and bitter. He laughed because he knows it's the truth.

Oh and then he says we have the best sex but it could be the very best sex we ever had if we were in love with each other. Well thanks for pointing that out - thanks for telling me what great thing I won't be experiencing. Why does he even have to say that shit? What good is it? I think he's a bit sadistic.

So I comment that I like his cologne - he tosses me the bottle and says I can have it. So great another reminder - I'm the kind of girl that remembers men for their cologne. If I really dug the guy then I always had his cologne around so that I could wear it and be reminded of him all day. Even long after we went our separate ways. I still have MB's cologne - by now he could be wearing something different but I will always remember him by what he wore when we spent time together. Every once in a while when I miss him -I'll put it on and I'm flooded with sensations. It's very bittersweet but at least still sweet. AAAnnnyyyyways -he has no idea I do this - so he just inadvertantly gave me the shovel to dig my own grave. I should just hide it away and not smell it until I'm completely over him but I'm so tempted to just spray it on my pillow before I go to sleep. How sick am I? Ok but why the fuck did he even give it to me. I didn't ask for it (I was already planning to go out and buy it -see how deep my sickness is?).

Please pray that I find someone I just adore and that loves me back so that I can get out of this twisted mind fuck.

2003-04-29 || 10:31 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future