how stupid am i
I didn't get to see him last night because he worked but we IMed eachother when he got home. I made him believe that I was playing the game without him and he was making me laugh. He kept saying "you better be kidding". So he said that he was going to try to leave work early so that we could play tonight.

But JB decided to have a poker party and since I thought CS was working I thought I'd kill some time. But then CS shows up before anyone else. He says he decided not to go to work. So that was cool. So we stopped playing around 11 something. Thank God I made some money. It was funny - I touched on the subject of CS with LB cuz he kept asking me if everything was I in 2 sentences tried to sum it up which is impossible. So he says to me "then take his money. keep love and money separate and take his money." so after we were done - CS asked me how much I was up and he says "well you took my money" because it was the exact amount that he lost. I looked at LB and we both started laughing and I say to him "well I did it". CS had no idea what we were talking about.

So he stays so that we can play the game for 1/2 hour or so. We snuggled a little after but he had to get home since he has to be up early. He mentioned playing the game tomorrow but I don't know how serious he is.

He seemed quiet and a little distant earlier in the evening so I asked him if everything was ok. He just smiled and said yes. But his mood persisted so I asked again and he said he's fine so I told him that I won't ask anymore but I feel like something is up. He said that the only thing bugging him right now is that he hasn't had a good week at work and he's tired and that's it. So I hope that is all it is. The last time he got this way was when he saw his ex. So he might have talked to her or ran into her.

I hate feeling this apprehensive. I just want to feel safe. He's quiet and I get scared. I start over analyzing things but this isn't me...I just want to be in a normal relationship...I hate feeling like everyday could be my last day with tends to wear on one's raw nerves. I wonder how much more I can take.

I think I'm going to have to ask him the "boundary" question. When he comes over the first thing I want to do when I see him is jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him and kiss him until we fall down, of course I know that would be too much so I would settle for walking up to him, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him passionately. But most times I get shy and just say hi and give him a hug with a small kiss. So I need to bring this up cuz if he's comfortable with more then I need to know.

2004-06-05 || 12:48 a.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future