i'm a loser
I'm a Loser

So I went out with SM. He's a good looking guy. Neat eyes and great smile. Funny and easy to talk to but I didn't feel any sparks. Maybe in time but not yet and that sucks cuz I was hoping to be attracted to him to take my mind off of you know who.

Who by the way I haven't heard from at all today, no text, no call, no IM - NOTHING. That kind of irks me. What is he up to now? Is he just going to snub me altogether? I don't understand at all. He said that he still wanted to see me, that he doesn't want anything to change between us yet he's already ignoring me. If I don't hear anything from him tonight then this will be the first time in over a month that he has made no contact. Even when he was going out with someone else or just staying home he would at least let me know. And there is no way I'm going to call or text him cuz he won't respond anyways.

Man why am I so pissed off about this? It's my own fault. It wasn't like I didn't see this coming. I think I'm just pissed at his conflicting ways. I really don't see how he can touch me the way he does and kiss me and look at me the way he does yet not want to be with me.

I'm so frustrated and don't have an outlet except to write here. So I apologize for all the whining and the going on and on but it's all I have right now.

I was thinking earlier that I guess I don't get to give him bjs anymore either. Or maybe that is ok since it's not actual sex but who knows...I could be getting cut out of his life as we speak. I wish to God I could drink because I'd be trashed right now. But I hear when you're down that getting drunk makes you feel worse so maybe that's a good thing cuz I'd be suicidal, as down as I feel about myself sober.

When will this curse end?

2004-05-24 || 7:51 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

Favorite Reads
all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future