Well I woke up this morning feeling like shit (sad). I had a dream that CS wanted to get serious but alas just a dream. I'm a little angry so I'm meeting SM tonight after work. He called me at work to let me know he's going to be in town so I'm going to meet him to check him out. I hope he is as good looking as his picture.

I don't know if I should tell CS. I don't want to play games but I don't want him to be mad at me. He doesn't really have a right to be mad but I could be going through some kind of test.

I'm at my "fuck men" stage again.

Oh I realized something. I noticed that CS is a lucky person. In Vegas he'd win all the time. When we play poker he gets awesome hands. I have bad luck so our meeting fits. He is lucky to have met me and I'm unlucky to have met him. I helped him get through his initial heartbreak but of course I'm taking the heartbreak instead. I should have let him go through it alone but I'm sure he'd have found some other sucker. Well it really is his loss.

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