kick me a little harder i guess the first time wasn't hard enough
Ok I'm really really sad right now...CS just left here. Remember how I keep thinking that he has something on his mind...well tonight I asked him once again and told him that he can tell me he says "well this is what is on my mind". He goes on to tell me that he doesn't feel comfortable having sex. He says he wants to but when he does he feels guilty. He doesn't want to get back with his ex and he says he doesn't even want to be friends with her. He still has anger though and it confuses him. He says he still wants to see me and he does like me a lot and he didn't want to tell me because he feels that it will go away like other things have. I guess there were things I did that made him feel uncomfortable (like patting him on the butt) at first but he said he got used to it and now he's fine so he thinks the same thing will happen with the sex. It sounds to me like she wasn't very demonstrative with him. He said that she didn't like him to use his tongue when they kissed so now he has a hard time giving it to me.

So I feel like I'm just doomed. Now he's so repulsed by me that he can't even have sex with me. So I guess he's just not over her yet so I understand. At least he told me - I hate when things are being kept. I guess with his ex they were friends for 7 months before they got together so I'm in for the long haul.

Why am I so cursed? And this is the first time that he's been dumped. He's always been the dumper so now his male ego is hurting. But he's such a sweet guy that you can't help but want to make him feel better. So I really don't know what to do. Bail out now or stick around and see what happens...the obvious one is to bail out but something in me wants to see how far he'll take it before he bails.

Oh and JB's ex HP is here. I guess they are back together. Wouldn't you know that I'm being shit on he's being loved. I don't begrudge him that I'm just laughing at the timing. Why did I have to meet such a great guy? Don't you find that cruel? Why send someone that is so compatible and so what I love just to tease me with it? I seem to get this a lot. Maybe there is something wrong with me.

2004-05-23 || 11:35 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future