Falling in love and falling apart

prediction

He came over last and he was affectionate but seemed a little distant. We played poker and watched the game. We were outside having a cigarette and we started kissing and getting turned on so I told him to sit down and I gave him a blowjob. He seemed a little nervous at first but then he got into it and came. We came back into the house and JB went to the bar so he got me off.

The whole time he was here JB started getting an attitude. I've never seen him be so rude to someone. He's super competetive with him. It's really weird. He gets all quiet and if he does say something it's cocky or insulting. He was even rude to me. But after CS went home, JB was all happy and joking with me. Making me laugh. He cooked us dinner at 2am. Then he starts talking about wanting a blowjob. I know he didn't see us but maybe he sensed it. I said to him that I though he didn't like them and he said right now he'd take one. Today he was fine too. But as soon as CS got here he's back to being quiet and rude.

He's not here now. He must have gone to the bar. CS and I went to see Troy and it was 12:45am by the time we got back. He just dropped me off cuz he has to get up early tomorrow. I hope that is the real reason and not that he didn't want to spend anymore time with me.

I think I know when he'll start dating other women. We overheard some girls talking about school and he says "oh yeah I have to remember to register". So what I see happening is he'll meet someone in class and they'll start dating. I won't get to see him as much cuz he'll always be at school so that's when I predict my heart to be smashed.

On the bright side I get to spend maybe 1 more month with him. Not that that is the bright side but it's all I've got. I also think he might get weird over the fact that JB is getting weird. I'm going to have to talk to JB. Hopefully he's in the mood to talk when he gets home.

So I don't know if I'll see CS tomorrow. Again he didn't mention anything. I just wait to see if he'll call or not.

2004-05-23 || 1:10 a.m.