Falling in love and falling apart

i have to move again :(

As soon as I woke up this morning I received bad news. John tells me that his mom is selling the place and he's moving in with her out in the desert. They say that I can move too but I don't want to live way out there. I don't know how long I have until I have to move but she will tell me more when she gets back from Alaska in a couple of weeks.

I talked to my mom and told her about it. My brother wants to find a new place because he lives in a pretty notorious area. So I asked her to help us find a place. We would like to have 1 more but I don't know who I can get. It would be great if CS would like to but I highly doubt he'd be up for that. I think he'd rather live with other people. I just pray that I don't have to move home :(

So things with CS seem good but I'm afraid to speculate on that cuz I'll probably be wrong. I didn't talk to him all day and when I got home DS and JB were here hanging out. They asked if I wanted to go bbq with them so I said yes. It was at DS's and of course CS lives there and I wasn't sure if I should go cuz I didn't want him to think I was being stalkish.

So we go in separate cars cuz JB says he's staying the night so to meet them there. Just as I'm turning on to the street where they live - my phone rings and it's CS but when I answer he's not there. I didn't know if he'd be home or not so I figured I'd wait outside until DS and JB got there but his car was out front so as I was walking to the door he opened it. I asked if it was ok to be here as I was invited by his brother. He said yes and that he was going to see if I wanted to come over anyways.

He was very affectionate and sweet. He had his hands all over me and vice versa. We were giggly and I'm sure annoying to DS and JB but who cares it's been so long since I felt this giddy. He shows me the pictures from Vegas and they came out cute. He says he wishes he had taken more pictures of us. Me too...

This was weird - DS is much more talkative to me than usual. He seems more comfortable. At one point I was laying on the floor and the dog had her head on my stomach and we were chilling and I noticed that DS was watching from the corner of his eye. His head was facing one way but his eye were in my direction - he could have been looking somewhere else but it looked as if he were looking at the dog and I. Haha = maybe having some weird fantasy...

We played cards for a bit and then I had to go. CS walked me to the car and made me horny. Said he'd let me know what was going on tonight since it's DS's last night he wanted to spend time with him but if DS hangs at JB's then he'd get to see me too. So I told him I hope DS comes here.

I talked to him this afternoon to tell him about the whole moving thing. We talked for a bit and he had to go to work. He said that he'd call me tonight if that was ok. Duh!!! He must be blind. So hopefully I will get to see him tonight but if my morning is any indication of tonight then I'm fucked. He'll probably tell me he can't see me anymore cuz I'm getting too involved...

Well I guess I've bitched and moaned enough...

2004-05-18 || 2:29 p.m.