Last night CS and DS came over around 9pm and we watched TV and just hung out. Around 1am John went to sleep and then CS left. DS said that he was going to stay up for a bit and watch TV. So we sat on the couch and just kicked it. He looked tired so I asked him if he wants to lay down and asked if I could lay with him. So we lay on couch and he had his arm around me and he fell asleep. I laid there for awhile knowing that I needed to go to my own bed soon since I had to be up for work this morning. I tried to sneak away but he pulled me closer so I just thought fuck it I'll say the night on the couch and if I don't wake up on time I'll just call and say I'm running late. So I tried to fall asleep but I could feel his hands on me. Eventually his hand just started roaming and he was caressing my thigh and butt and the next thing I know his fingers are inside me. That felt really nice and I wasn't expecting much more but next thing I know he has his pants unzipped and slides inside me. Man that felt good. We do it like that for awhile then he rolls me on my stomach and we do it like that until he cums. He shot a lot out :) It felt so damn good. Why oh why must it be him to make me feel so good? So we had a cig and then I went to bed around 3am.

I guess he's coming down in a month to pick up his truck and try to sell it there. I wish he'd move back but I don't see that happening too soon. I asked if I could email him and he said yes and gave me his new email address. I'll try not to write too much. I doubt if he'll write back either but that's ok. I know he will always have a big chunk of my heart - damn.

So I'm a little sad today and I'm sure I'll be more sad as the day goes on. I just wish I knew how he really felt. When he's touching me or holding me or staring at me he seems to really like me but otherwise nothing. So I feel like I have to heal my heart all over again. Maybe CS will help. I don't think I want anything with him even though we're more compatible - at least not right now - who knows down the road. All I know is that I still have it bad for DS and it wouldn't be fair to start something with CS at this time...but duh he may not even be interested in me like that and maybe all we are destined for is best friends but that's great too. I just want someone to hold me and stuff you know.

Well I better get back to work.

Goodbye DS - I love and miss you