Falling in love and falling apart

weird

Well I am sick as hell. My fever has been over 100 all weekend. I can hardly talk. I think my fever is up but I don't have a thermometer at work.

I got to see DS all weekend. He came by Friday and told us he has to go to jail next weekend. I told him that was the same time as my poker party so he's going to try and have the jail date changed to the following weekend so that he can be here. How cool. I hope he does it.

Saturday he stayed the night. Blake (the guy that has a crush on me) came by and when he saw that I was sick he went to the store for me and bought me some medicine. That was really sweet of him. He stayed and played poker with us and also ended up staying the night. DS was being nice to me thank god. We were the last ones up (of course) and when we'd go out for a cig he'd sit next to me so that our bodies were touching (which excites me). At around 2am or so he said he was tired. I told him that I was sleeping on the floor with them. He was on the couch and Blake was in the LazyBoy. I jokingly asked him if he's going to lay down here with me and he laughs. Next thing I know he's on the floor and asked if I could walk on his back. So I walked on his back and then gave him a massage for about 1 1/2. He says that he's never going to ask me to stop so I can stop whenever I want. It was so nice. When I would massage his hands I just wanted to stop and hold his hand. I could feel one of his hands caressing my thigh as I was massaging him. When I was done he curls up next to me and pulls my blanket over us and snuggles with me. It was the best snuggle yet. We were spooning and he had his face buried in my neck and I was stroking his hair and face. His hand was somewhere stroking me. I wanted him to sleep there with me but I didn't want to hurt Blake's feelings when he woke up and saw us all snuggled together. So I told DS he could sleep on the couch. He snuggled with me for awhile and then went to the couch. I snuggled with his jacket and went to sleep. It was weird but it was the most comfortable we have been around each other. It was nice. Well hopefully I'll get another chance at that. I'm already getting sad about his leaving. I asked if I could write him and he said yes. I'll probably go visit him too if he lets me.

Well I better get off this thing and go daydream.

2004-01-19 || 3:02 p.m.