What the hell is wrong with men? I think SAM is mad at me or something. He called last night but I was hanging out with Shelli so he told me to call him today at work and that he'd email me his work number but he never did nor has he responded to my email.

When I left Sunday night he made the remark that he felt used because I left right after we had sex. I thought he was joking but maybe he wasn't. When did men become so sensitive? Just kidding but usually it's the woman feeling like that. I just really had to go. I had an hour drive home and was already 1/2 hour behind.

He seems a little possessive and probably thought I was with some guy last night because I was talking to Cory while I was talking to him but hello Cory is 14.

I think that Cory has a crush on me. Everytime I'm visiting he hangs around me and always sometime in the evening he manages to walk around in his boxers. His mom is always asking him what the hell he's doing? I was jumping on the trampoline with him and when he had to go in to make a phone call he says to me, "let's go in so I can use the phone" I guess I'm not allowed to stay out there by myself. Then he invites me to go to the beach with him. He is really cute and is going to be a looker when he gets older. I'm flattered.

Randy called and wants me to call him back but I haven't yet. I'm feeling confused about him and don't know why. I'm not as attracted to him as I'd like to be and he really wants to have sex but I don't.

Oh yea - I heard from my Mr. Perfectly Beautiful. He wrote me back a couple of weeks ago but I hadn't checked that email account because I didn't think he'd write me back. So I checked it yesterday and there it was. He says he can't come visit this summer but that he wants to visit eventually since he's taking a year off of school. I really hope he does. I think we would have a really good time hanging out. So much catching up to do and all. I hope I didn't freak him out because I mentioned that my heart still aches over him. I'm not trying to solicit anything from him - I'm just speaking the truth. He will always hold my heart. I don't know that he can understand it because we loved each other on different levels. But that's ok. I'm happy having known the time we had. But I do hope that we keep in touch the remainder of our lives. What a wonderful thing that would be. I still believe that he is the most beautiful, gorgeous man I will ever know.

Ok I guess I've ranted enough for now but if I don't hear from SAM - I will have some more bitching to do :)