i must be crazy
So there are actually people that have read my diary. I don't feel so lonely now. I just saw one that was so awesome - Tinkabitch. Everyone else's diaries are so colorful and creative. I wish mine could be so imaginative but I hardly have time to write anymore. Maybe someday I'll try and spruce it up. So Tinkabitch is adorable. I only read a little bit but I like what I've read so far. She'll do ok in this fucked up world. To be young again...

So SS just called. He's supposed to call back when the mother of his child picks up the baby. I must say this woman is crazy. He doesn't seem to think so. She's 38 or something like that but acts like she's 15. They broke up over a year ago but she still refuses to let him go. She'll call out of the blue and accuse him of all this shit that is not going on. She walks all over him and the sick part is he lets her. His mentality is deteriorating a little more everyday, so he doesn't have the will to stand up for himself. He's so wracked with guilt for leaving her that he doesn't want to hurt her further. I told him the other night that she is never going to get over him if they see eachother everyday for hours at a time. When he sees the baby she doesn't need to be there. He's so afraid that she'll not let him see the baby if he starts standing up. She constantly uses the baby to manipulate him and it's disturbing. He agrees with me but I don't think he'll do anything about it.

Which leaves me to continuously re-think our so called relationship. Slowly I'm falling for him but that will get me nowhere. But I don't want to just stop seeing him because he does fulfill my sexual needs. I would like to find a real man and then I can say goodbye to SS and all his emotional wreckage. It's just hard. I need to find someone soon because the longer I hang with him the more attached I become. Damn - if he wasn't so good looking. It's his smile - it gets me every time.

We'll see if he calls - he said that he won't let me down tonight...I'm thinking of telling him how I feel and just see where it goes. He'll probably not want to see me anymore but keeping my feelings bottled just because he does - SUCKS!!!

2003-04-28 || 7:11 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future