wish me love
Romance update - So the weekend following my birthday I approached SS and asked him if it would be ok for me to date other men since he can't seem to give me what I want. I told him that I might miss something really good because I'm so focused on him and it seems wasted. So he said that would be fine. So then every time I would see him he'd ask me if I found someone yet and what's going to happen to him when I find someone. I told him not to worry that I would still have sex with him until I committed to someone else. So then the day comes when I have a date. So I tell him about it and he can't believe it. I told him that he said it was ok so he says to me that he didn't think I would actually do it...I brought up the night we talked about it and he said that he wasn't feeling well that night and that hasn't he been doing better. I said yes but only because I let him off the hook. He didn't have to worry about being expected of anything. He didn't really have anything to say about that. So after my date I went to SS's house because he asked me to and we had great sex. He wanted to know all about my date. He kept calling the guy names and wanted to know why this asshole was taking out his girl. So when did I become his girl? So I went out with this guy again last night and then afterwards headed over to SS. We had great sex again and he told me that I can never not have sex with him. That I'm obligated to him for the rest of my life. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean since he has no feelings for me and can't commit to anything right now. He also said that if I never find the love I'm looking for then I'll always have him. Then he says things like even if I get married that I'm still his. It's so confusing. Everytime I say something obscure he thinks I'm going to break up with him or that I found a new guy. Well I didn't care for the guy I was dating. He was a little arrogant. He wanted me to move in with him and take me on a cruise and get all serious. I barely knew the guy. But there is this other guy that I may try and date but unfortunately most of my heart belongs to SS right now so it will take someone pretty special to pull it their way.

Speaking of special men. I wrote MB and told him that I want him to visit and to give me some dates and I'll pay for the ticket. I really think he could use my TLC right now. I told him to tell Keir that I'm not out to get him. I just think he needs to be around someone that cares and loves him unconditionally - that's not a family member. So I pray that he takes my offer because I know he would have fun. We always did.

So anyways back to Heartbreak SS, I have no idea what emotional roller coaster he has planned for me next. He's supposed to call later but who knows if he will. He still calls everyday but not as often. Why does he have to be so good looking. He has the best smile that I've seen on a man in a long time, maybe ever. But since the Love God is always raining on me what's a girl to do? I guess find a good umbrella.

Wish me love as I wish you love.

2003-04-24 || 6:12 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future