My brother is not doing well at all and I'm worried sick about him. I pray for him every night but I don't think God listens to me since I'm always challenging his devoted followers.

I pray to Cindy too. I beg her to watch over him and help him. I swore that if he came out of this alive that I would spend my life helping him. I'd give up having a relationship so that I could take care of him.

If he doesn't get help soon everyone is afraid that he'll die, either by overdosing or suicide. I don't understand why he is so self destructive. Why couldn't he just stick to pot? Why did he feel the need to go to the shitty stuff?

This family does not need any more doom and gloom. I want to be able to breath again. My mom is a complete bitch now all the time. She's always pissed off about something or yelling at someone. I have never known anyone so angry in my life. My dad tries to keep upbeat and not let it get him too down. I worry to death but hide it. I'm more like my dad. I try to think of other things but it's hard.

We don't know where he is. None of his friends can find him and they are all worried too. I want to hire a private detective to search for him but I don't know what good it would do to find him because he doesn't think he has a problem. I want to find him and then just go grab his ass and take him home but he's strong and strung out so I don't think I'd have much of a chance. Say I do get him home, what then? I'd have to handcuff him up somewhere so he couldn't escape.

Please, whoever it is that hears these prayers, help my brother make his way home alive and wanting to get help. Please watch over him and help him do the right thing. If you can allow the motorcycle rider that killed Cindy to live, you must allow my brother a chance at life. Please, please, please keep him safe.

Well I'm going to go have a cigarette and pray some more.

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