Talked to my best friend tonight and he got kind of deep. We haven't spoken in over a month, at least not for more than 2 minutes.

The first thing out of his mouth was that he is out to conquer me. He says he is the "white man" that is coming to the New World to take over. He says he knows that I'm claimed but he still wants to plant his flag on me. That he's going to force me into being his. Then he confessed that he still doesn't think he could actually have sex with me because he's too scared. He says that he fantasizes about just holding my hand and that that scares the hell out of him. He's never had that happen to him. Then he told me how jealous he is when other men touch me. He says he doesn't get jealous about M.B. but guys like A.B. that don't deserve me, that rub my ass he wants to hurt. That is one of the sweetest things he's said.

So again I told him that my heart belongs completely to M.B. and that I can't imagine sleeping with or being intimate with anyone else. He said that my humility and my loyalty only made me more desirable.

So he understands but he says he has to have his fantasy. He apologized for stepping over the line. I understand.

How come men all around me profess their love for me except for the one I need to hear it from the most?

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