female bonding

This past week has been rough. I miss my man. My best friend is upset. My ex is still hounding me.

Earlier in the week my best friend J.G. e-mails me this letter asking me that if things don�t work out between M.B. and I if I�d consider him as a future companion. That he would never hurt me or leave me because he already knows what he�d be losing and wouldn�t make that mistake because of some stupid fear. And that he already knows what I�d be bringing to the table (my insecurity and worry). This really threw me for a loop. Next thing I know he�s getting divorced. His wife made him decide between his friendship with me or her. He told her that he wouldn�t give me up so she said it was over. Hopefully they�ll work things out but now she�s looking for me. Now J.G. feels bad because he thinks that he has ruined our friendship. That I�ll only feel uncomfortable around him. But that�s not true. I feel really bad about not being attracted to him in that way because if I were we wouldn�t be in this predicament. But I can�t force my emotions, I just wear the ones I have.

The ex keeps leaving these letters about �when� we get back together. That no one can love me like he does. I don�t know where he gets these ideas because I�m so awful around him. I can�t imagine why he�d want someone that treated him like I have lately.

And I miss my perfectly beautiful man. He is the only bright spot in my life. It just sucks not being able to express it. I miss his friendship so much. I miss hanging out and talking with him. I crave his body�

Any�ways�so this past week I�ve been going to K.P.�s because her boyfriend has a cd burner. So I�ve been downloading obscure 80s music and burning what I can. We�ve been getting really high and last night we threw a tribute to Patsy and Edina from Ab Fab. We smoked until we couldn�t smoke anymore. Put on the strobe light and danced our butts off. We had a lot of fun. So I was telling my other friend C.T. about it tonight and she says she wants to do it too. So we go to K.P.�s get ripped and dance. C.T. had me laughing so hard I couldn�t breath. It�s a �you had to be there� moment so I won�t even try to explain it. Then we downed a large pizza and a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper.

Then as we were winding down. I�m lying on the floor. C.T. is lying on the couch and K.P. is at the computer and we are talking about the men in our lives and how we love and miss them. C.T.�s man is married so their time is limited (but actually they see each other an awful lot, she should consider herself extremely lucky). K.P.�s man is probably cheating again. Plus he goes out every night and never has time for her. My man is away so I miss him. So the three of us are ladies in waiting. That�s what we should call ourselves. We were jokingly singing �I�ll fly with you� kaoroke style. K.P. did the female parts, I did the male parts and C.T. does the rap part. We were laughing so hard. But we couldn�t think of a name to call ourselves.

2001-09-24 || 11:33 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

Favorite Reads
all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future