Ok so I feel a little better. We chatted on-line for a while. It's really hard to convey emotion though so that sucks.

I miss him so much.

Tonight was the first time that he referred to me as his girlfriend. That felt really nice. Up to this point I didn't know how to refer to him. I mean I knew he was more than a friend but didn't know if I could assume he was my boyfriend or if he'd even be ok with that. So now I know. So now I can do my happy dance.

It's amazing what a little contact can do.

If only I could have some physical contact with him. I'd give anything to feel him inside me right now. To inhale him. To feel his lips on mine. Ok I need to stop before I get carried away.

Oh yea - the ex J.B. keeps leaving these letters for me. Most are sad but some are a little scary. He said he will kill me if I ever have a man over. Yet he knows that I'm in love with M.B. I guess he thinks it's ok if I love M.B. because he doesn't think that M.B. loves me back. I'm not worried about being killed because I'm not going to have any men here or anywhere. J.B. doesn't realize that my loyalties are to M.B. now. He hasn't asked why I haven't had sex with him in months, he's just mad that I don't. My friend J.G. thinks that's the real reason that J.B. has gone over the edge. J.G. thinks that my vagina is lined with gold and something highly addictive. Of course this is all speculation on his part.

Well I better get to bed so that I can hopefully dream of my Mr. Perfectly Beautiful. I love you wherever you are.

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