Went to dinner with my friend J.G. and his cool sister. They can always make me laugh. Then we came back here and hung out.

M.B. came by later. I wanted to make love with him so bad but didn�t know how to ask and wasn�t even sure if he was interested. Finally I just asked him if he was done having sex with me and he said no. So I asked him if we can, he says yes. Yea I know that sounds extremely romantic but I�m down to the last 24 hours here. So after we eat and I shower, we make our way to the bedroom. Unfortunately he still makes me nervous so I feel awkward and clumsy. Plus we are in a silly mood and I�m having a hard time focusing. So we start kissing and I get so turned on. I never used to get that turned on by just kissing but I know that�s just because I have such strong feelings for him. So I again go down on him and I want him to cum in my mouth so bad but I also want to feel him cum inside me. After I just can�t take it anymore I straddle him and in he goes and over the edge do I fall. Another body trembling experience which makes me start to cry. I just felt so overwhelmed with emotion and then knowing that he�d be gone in 24 hours I couldn�t hold it back.

I feel like I�m holding back a tidal wave of tears with each breath. But sometimes the tears force their way through the sandbags and I have to make repairs constantly. I know that when I say good-bye to him tonight and he drives away, I will no longer have the strength to hold back the wave and it will come crashing down on me and I will drown in it for a long while. I�m pretty fucking scared.