sick cycle carousel

My life is just getting more difficult and fucked.

Yesterday my absentee boyfriend J.B. stopped by. He wanted to talk. He starts by asking me how I feel about him. Sound familiar? He tells me that what I say affects how he decides what to do. He says he has to come to a decision soon because it has been 4 months already. He's thinking about selling our place. But right now I don't have the money to move. He would have to help me. He's talking about finding an apartment for us. But then he talks about loving his freedom. Then he tells me how much he loves me and doesn't want to be without me. So one minute he acts like he wants to come home and the next minute he doesn't. I told him that if he decides to sell then he has to find me a place that I can afford on my own. But that will be nearly impossible. So I'm going to end up homeless I just know it.

I don't want him to come back and I don't want to work things out but how do you say that to someone that really loves you. So I'm not in a good place. If M.B. wasn't leaving I'd just tell J.B. that I'm in love with someone else and want to pursue him. But alas he is and I'm stuck here.

The meteor shower is at its peak tonight but it is currently raining so don't know if it will be clear tonight. So I'll also miss out on the shower.

2001-08-12 || 10:48 a.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

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