two steps forward

Last night M.B. calls around 11pm and asks if he can come by. Duh, of course. So he comes over and the first thing he says to me is that he missed me tonight. I was floored. Later I asked him if he only saw me as a friend or more. He said that he thinks of me more than just a friend. He said at first it was just as a friend. Then when I told him how I felt he said he was attracted to the fact that I liked him and then he said two weeks ago he started liking me on his own. I asked him if he was still thinking about having sex and he said that lately he has been thinking about it a lot and that yes he wants to sleep with me but he is really scared.

So later we are going through my closet to find something for me to wear for work and he sees my games and one of them is a sexual game. He says he wants to play it. So I tell him that I don't know if he's ready for that because you have to do sexual things. It's like a game of foreplay and at the end you have sex and he says OK. But I honestly don't think he's ready for that game yet. Then he asks if we can watch Dragon Ball and I say yes but you have to do something for me. I tell him he has to take a shower with me. He agrees. So I'm getting the shower ready and he's standing in the doorway telling me that he's really nervous. So I look at him and tell him not to think about it. Just start taking your clothes off. So I start ripping mine off and he starts removing his. Then we get in and have fun. We wash each other's bodies and hair. I came up behind him and cupped his balls but it tickled him and he started giggling. So I did it again. When he was rinsing my hair he told me to bend over so of course my ass is against his dick and I start rubbing my ass back and forth and he's giggling. Then I quickly suck on one of his nipples. When we were done I asked him if that was so bad and he said that he liked it and had fun. He says it's fun talking to someone while your showering. I have to make sure I tell him how proud I am of him for being so brave.

So my friends seem to think that we will definitely have sex soon. I hope so. Although it will probably be horrible for him and he'll never want to try it again.

So anyway, I decide around 5am that I'm not even going to bother going to sleep because if I only get 2 hours sleep I'll be even more tired. So he picks out a dress for me to wear and he follows me to work and we stop and eat breakfast together and then I went to work and he went home to sleep. I told him to call or come over if he has nothing else to do. I don't know if he will or not. I'm sure he's getting tired of me. We have seen each other pretty much every night this week but I'm sure as hell not complaining. As far as I'm concerned I could spend forever with him. So when I got home I took a 5 hour nap. I woke up around 8pm when C.T. called.

Also of course didn't get any smoke. So I'm still smokeless. Please let me find some soon.

The absentee boyfriend came by around 9:30pm last night to burn a joint with me. The first thing he said when he opened the door was that he was hoping to find a guy here so he could beat the shit out of him. I asked him if he's looking for a fight. He said no that he just wanted to kick someone's ass if they were here. Yea I'd like to see him try. If he were to go after M.B. he'd have to go through me first, not that I'm any threat but I'd do all I could. But it kills me because he left me and now he's acting like I left him. Men.

2001-08-10 || 8:25 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future