confusion and boredom

Nothing exciting today. My crush e-mailed me back. I'm still confused. I don't know if he's telling me that no he isn't interested in sex with me or that yes he is but I just have to go very slow. He keeps bringing up the word "scared". What is it that he's afraid of? He apologized for getting me horny and then leaving. He said that was rude in retrospect. He said that he panicked. I told him that if he was uncomforable with the kissing and touching we could stop and go back to the way things were before. But he said he wasn't bothered by it and even enjoys it. So at least I still get to kiss him yea? At the end he said "I guess I have some things to think about". So at least he's not totally closing himself off. I sent another e-mail telling him not to feel bad about turning me on and leaving. I'm totally ok with that. It just makes it build up even more. I joked around a bit and asked him what about the situation or me that scares him? Hopefully answering that won't kill him. I know he has a hard time opening up and that question could make him think about things he doesn't want to face. So I may or may not get a response. I'll work with him for a couple of hours tomorrow at work. By the way he looked gooood today.

My absentee boyfriend seems like he's down today. Or maybe he's just sick of me. He wasn't very enthusiastic today. Maybe he was just really stoned. He's probably plotting a way to get me out of here so that he can move in. I'm so fucked if he's getting tired of paying the rent. Oh well with my luck...

C.T. stopped by tonight to man bash. We discussed going out on her birthday. Who's going? Who's not? We'd like to get a limo so that no one has to drive. But it will probably be too expensive.

2001-07-11 || 10:11 p.m.


Who Is kokoro13?

A woman just trying to find lasting love with a real man
loves: kissing, reading, video games, falling in love.

hates: working, animal abuse, ignorance, mind games

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all content � kokoro13, 2003.

the past - the future