Last night I received a call from a guy that I was madly in love with for 5 years. We broke up 3 years ago and haven't spoken since. We had an awesome sex life but couldn't get along out of bed. As unhealthy as our relationship was I stayed because the sex was so good. He was the one that was finally strong enough to end it. I was heart broken but eventually moved on. He got married back in October but is realizing now that he doesn't like it. He said he thought about writing or calling me everyday for over a year but couldn't. He says that sexually I'm the best there is. I don't know why but all past boyfriends claim that I'm the goddess in bed. I don't think I do anything spectacular but I know that I'm intense. So he tells me that his wife sucks in bed and she doesn't like sex or really want it. He says that God is punishing him. He said that he should have never left me. He wants me to move out there with him and his wife. He said I could live free of charge. He just wants to make love to me everyday. Because we seriously had sex at least once a day. I really love sex when I'm with someone I love. I've never had a one night stand in my life. But sometimes I wear men out but I never wore him out. So now he's thinking of coming to visit. He wants me to buy this album because the songs remind him of me. He said hearing this one song nearly brought him to his knees. So he misses me a lot and really misses making love with me. So I feel better. You know how when you get your heart broken to pieces and you move on and get over it and then hear that the person who broke your heart is still pining away for you and regrets leaving you and has the balls to profess this. In a demented way you feel vindicated. All that suffering wasn't lost in my karmic bank. So I have closure. I don't know that I'll ever talk to him again. I gave him my e-mail address in case he wants to keep in touch. He's afraid to keep talking to me because he doesn't want to do anything wrong. I understand. But I still miss his friendship.

I worked with my crush M.B. today. That was rough. At one point he had me really turned on and I became flustered. Everytime his arm brushed mine or our bodies touched I'd get all turned on. sent him an e-mail that's probably going to scare him. Why do I do these foolish things? I need to just let it go. Why am I trying to seduce a gay man? I'm desiring the unattainable. Well you can't control your desires. Pray for me.